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5 Things: Tips for Men With Partners Experiencing IVF
Fernando Porter, MD | March 14, 2022
| Contributor Information
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Image courtesy of Fernando Porter
5 Things: Tips for Men With Partners Experiencing IVF
Fernando Porter, MD | March 14, 2022 | Contributor Information
Society sometimes forgets that doctors are humans first. We have emotions and trauma, and we even have to go to the doctor for medical treatment and management.
My wife recently gave birth to our first child, and it was one of the most difficult processes I have ever experienced. My wife and I both have demanding careers and decided to wait on having children. Not thinking we would run into challenges, we decided we would start trying around 35 (about 1.5 years into our marriage). Despite leading relatively healthy lives with no significant medical conditions, we were in need of IVF. As a result, not only did we have our first child, but in becoming a father I also became a better husband, friend, and physician.
Image courtesy of Fernando Porter
5 Things: Tips for Men With Partners Experiencing IVF
Fernando Porter, MD | March 14, 2022 | Contributor Information
Be Aware
Fertility challenges are mostly physically endured by women, but they take a significant toll on men too, and that side often goes untold. When collectively making the decision to proceed with the process of fertility treatment, be aware: Your wife is the patient, but the experience will directly affect you. Be aware and plan for it.
Image courtesy of Fernando Porter
5 Things: Tips for Men With Partners Experiencing IVF
Fernando Porter, MD | March 14, 2022 | Contributor Information
Don't Endure Alone
Having to endure the journey with my wife, I found myself left with my own emotions and heartbreak during our pathway to parenthood. It took a while for me to say, "I am not supposed to be alone," but eventually I got there. I had to pick two to three friends that I could go to and just cry, vent, or escape from my emotions. It allowed me to be a more supportive partner in the process, as well as deal with my own mess.
Image courtesy of Fernando Porter
5 Things: Tips for Men With Partners Experiencing IVF
Fernando Porter, MD | March 14, 2022 | Contributor Information
Give Yourself Grace
Grace was something that I had to learn to extend. There are periods of times in which you will have strong emotional responses and will need to refrain from going to your partner about it. After all, she is the patient and is admittedly going through more than you. This did not mean my feelings should not be expressed or heard — just not to her (this is where those agreed-upon friends come in handy).
Image courtesy of Fernando Porter
5 Things: Tips for Men With Partners Experiencing IVF
Fernando Porter, MD | March 14, 2022 | Contributor Information
Communication Is Key
Have open communication about what struggles you are having with your partner, and be open to hearing theirs as well. I found that some of the things she or I struggled with were things that one of us actually had the capacity to help with or directly address.
Image courtesy of Fernando Porter
5 Things: Tips for Men With Partners Experiencing IVF
Fernando Porter, MD | March 14, 2022 | Contributor Information
It's Okay to Get Away
It is okay to have a moment to yourself, and you should have those moments regularly —; be it working out, a regular night out with the guys, a routine walk in the park, or some activity or hobby that allows you to be joyful.
The journey of IVF, and the ups and downs that come with it, is a long and stressful one. I can confirm that if in the end, God willing, you are successful in having a child, and it's worth every drop of blood and tears, shot, and pill.
Fernando Porter is a family medicine physician and the medical director of Capital City Primary and Immediate Care in Maryland. Porter spoke with journalist Ka'Dia Dhatnubia for this piece.
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